• me:

    no one ever texts me

  • *gets a text*

  • me:

    wtf do you want

  • Guy on train:

    I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.

  • Me:

    *turns up music*

  • Guy:

    I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!

  • Me:

    *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.

  • Guy:

    Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?

  • Me:

  • Guy:

    Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?

  • Lady by door:

    Hey. Leave her alone.

  • Guy:

    Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.

  • Lady:

    *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?

  • Me:

    Fine. Just wish he'd go away.

  • Lady cop:

    I can make that happen.

  • Guy:

    Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!

  • Lady cop:

    And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.

  • Entire train:

    *applauds*

anangrypuff:

slytheringirls:

anangrypuff:

Imagine drunk Ravenclaws trying to invent things

"No but imagine a machine that makes your toast or maybe waffles warm and crispy!" "There already is something like that, it’s called a toaster and some muggle invented it I think?" "Seriously?? Wow..okay but imagine animals bringing letters and stuff! No wait..we already have that too dammit.."

Ravenclaws trying to invent things that already exist in the muggle world oh my gosh

Disneyland was Walt’s gift to a weary world. Once you pass through its gates, the stress and strife of our everyday reality seems to melt away…

Julie Andrews (via findingalaughingplace)

shenanicats:

inner—utopia:

Bless that one person in every group that is like “keep going, I’m listening” and encourages you to finish your story even when everyone else is talking over you.

  • nun:

    pastor, we are having trouble with the exorcism

  • pastor:

    have you tried unblessing and blessing again ?

donutsornonuts:

We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive.

rambozus:

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Grandpa yes.

castiel-is-wonderful:

sionainnlindsay:

castiel-is-wonderful:

WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP

IS ‘MRS’ JUST MR’S 

LIKE BELONGING TO MR

OMG

Mr comes from the French monsieur, which I think literally translates as ‘my lord’ and basically just means master, and Mrs comes from maistre which is the feminine form of master, so actually—for once—no.

This was an extremely relevant comment and I thank you for educating me 

mentally-sherlock:

hiddlestondowney:

satanlickmydick:

im-your-favorite-actor-and-i:

IF TONY STARK HAS ANXIETY AND BRUCE BANNER TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AND THEY CAN STILL SAVE THE WORLD AND THEN CAN STILL BE OKAY THEN I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH HIGHSCHOOL

THIS IS THE BEST MOTIVATOR I HAVE SEEN

this is just sad for me because i couldn’t even finish high school

Robert Downey Jr. never finished high school and look at him now

untilafterforever:

meepitperson:

Rape isn’t about uncontrollable sexual desire. You only have to listen in on a Call of Duty game to see that. When that kid crows, “I raped you!”, he’s not calling the other guy sexy; he’s saying he defeated him, dominated him, humiliated him. That’s what rape is about, and that should scare you.