- Mom: Dad and I are having a barbecue if you want to come over.
- Me: Thanks, but I'm hanging out with my friend David today.
- Mom: David? I've never heard of him. Is he your boyfriend? Where'd you meet him? Does he go to school? Does he work? How much money does he make? What kind of car does he drive? Where does he live? With family or roommates or by himself? What's his nationality? What about his religion? Is he Jewish? Your dad and I just want you to find a nice Jewish boy. Is he tall? You always like the tall boys. Is he good looking? Remember when your cousin married that ugly girl and nobody liked her? Well? Tell me about your new boyfriend.
- Me: I made a friend. His name is David. Not my boyfriend.
Ok, I know there’s been some complaining about a lack of smart, slick, black villains
but I just saw Takers and there’s this guy called Ghost, and I got to say
- england: someone go call america for me.
- france: how?? he's probably sleeping like a log--
- canada: hold up i got this
- canada: aHEM.
- canada: WHAT TEAM??
- [stumbling and footsteps going down the stairs]
- america: [bUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR]
- america: WILDCATS
“In many, many animal species, the male and female of the species play complementary roles, with the male dominant in strength and protection and the female dominant in nurture. It’s the female who tames the male beast. One notable exception is the lion, where the male lion looks flashy but behaves mostly like a lazy beta-male MSNBC producer.” —Erick Erickson (via azspot)
there are people I must outlive simply out of spite